Let's jump right into it. Unfortunately, LEGALLY it’s not happening - but a man or woman CAN take on two “wives” or “husbands” if he or she wants to bare the risk of taking on a third - a “jail wife”. Bigamy is actually a crime, and the perpetrator can go to jail. However, the thing about it is that even though it warrants JAIL TIME, it's rarely imposed. Jails simply don’t have enough space for “non-violent crimes”.
So we think if you really want to get away with it just keep it on the down low and be your polyexclusive selves. Cohabitat - If you are three consenting adults, what need is there for paperwork - the 2nd marriage would be void anyway, unfortunately, if you are married already to one wife. So if you want to take on two, do it "under the table". Be “housemates” and be happy with your lives.
If you are willing to accept being in a polyfaithful relationship, Kudos to you - I know for me, I would probably struggle. Polygamy is not for everyone, and it certainly can be very tough. I would imagine the hardest thing about being in this type of relationship would be dealing with jealousy, comparison, self-esteem and control.
We did however speak to a couple, or triple? Not sure what to call the relationship - so let’s just say “Life-Partners”. Anyway, we spoke to one of the life-partners about their relationship and how it works so well for them. Here is what one of the women of the two had to say about their partnership:
“The reason this works for us is because we are just the right three people to share our lives together. Each one of us feels extremely blessed to be able to accept love from two best friends who are also lovers. There was no pressure or coercion. We don’t feel it is respectful or genuinely loving to try and make THREE when one partner is set on just two - That’s what many couples try to do, and that’s why it doesn’t work for them like it works for us. You can’t force this type of relationship on someone, and this is something we all wanted. Mind you, it took a lot of thinking and talking before we could come to a decision.
It helped that two of us were already best friends; and she was married to the man already. We’ve been best friends for years, and it never really occurred to her or myself that maybe we felt more for one another; because of how we were brought up to believe that love should be between two people - two of the opposite sex, for that matter. We spent a lot of time together - the three of us. It never seemed to bother him that I was always around, being that I was her best friend. But with time, some deeper feelings were coming into play between her and I; and I felt them developing for him, as well. Somewhere down the line, through all the time we all spent together the question arose:
“What if we could all be together? Like, really together - it’s clear we all love one another and have feelings for each other. Can we make this a long term relationship for all of us?”
And that’s when the thinking and pondering began. It was both exciting and nerve-wrecking, but with honest and open communication amongst the three of us, we were able to all get on the same page. I don’t imagine this would work if we weren’t on the exact same page as one another. We discussed issues that could arise, we discussed any consequences or restraints it could place on us, we discussed everything together in order to be sure it was what the three of us wanted and could take on together.
Jealousy and insecurity was sort of a struggle at first. It was easy to feel left out when the other two were being affectionate to one another. That’s when the comparison’s would start to form in the mind and anxiety would rush in to make one of us believe we’re not going to be needed, or someone would decide two is plenty. But this was ONLY AT FIRST - once we expressed our feelings, fears and concerns to one another, we began to understand how the love we express to one another both individually and as a whole, ultimately strengthens our entire bond. Don’t get me wrong, there are still some insecurities but they are normal, as any “regular" two person relationship could experience.
In public, we’re just happy being us. We’re not ashamed, we go out together, and enjoy mutual friends together. We are thankful for our friends as they have all been very supportive of our decision. Sometimes he and I hold hands when we walk the streets, sometimes she and I hold hands, sometimes they hold hands. Most of the time people stare at us with confusion, like they’re trying to figure out who is with who. We find it kind of funny and humorous. We really get a kick out of it when older folks are staring; then I'll give him a kiss, and she'll give him a kiss, and then she and I will kiss, just to cause a little ruckus - Haha.
Needless to say, I'm happier than I have ever been. I have two people who love me dearly, for the long run. This isn’t a “threesome” and that’s what a lot of people tend to stereotype it as. This isn’t just some “hook up”, this is a real relationship. We are faithful to one another, respect one another, are passionate to one another and are happy living under the same roof.”
There you have it! The perspective and experience of a polyfidelitous woman. It doesn’t seem as scary as I thought after hearing this. I still believe for me personally it would be hard for me to “share” my partner with someone else. But hey, to each their own! In love, there are no boundaries!